Too Legit to Bag Groceries

I went to Whole Foods today to spend the little money I have on lavishly expensive items. This is a once a month trip for me because I really can't resist to buy fair trade, free trade, organically grown, coffee that comes in a package that has seeds that when disposed of in the proper way grows little coffee plants. I just can't resist that. It's so ridiculous it makes me happy.

So I was checking out. I went to line 3 because I noticed CHAD had an amazing beard that I wanted to admire. Yes. I do like to compare facial hair with men named CHAD. Trust me. If you saw this beard you would want to grow one too whether you are a guy or a girl.

Anyways, CHAD was pretty hip. CHAD was so hip that he and his sacker (is that the proper term?) were bantering back and forth. Did I mention the sacker also had an awesome beard because he DID. Anyways, I felt pretty at home. I happened to be wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and some shoes from Spain (camper's). I felt like CHAD and I could grab an organic, local beer and talk beards.

So as CHAD and the sacker were talking they struck up a convo (CHAD doesn't say full words like conversation) with the lady they were checking out. This lady was NOT hip. She was NOT wearing flannel. She did NOT have a beard. She could not talk about the finer points of Real Ale's Coffee Porter (which is delicious on a cold day... check it out).

CHAD was talking about what an AWESOME prank it is to throw dry ice at people. That is burns them and that that is hip. This lady felt the need to disagree. Apparently, she was some kind of medical professional and kinda gave CHAD a talking to about hurting people. NOT HIP!

So once this lady left the sacker and CHAD started talking about what she had said. The convo (there it is again) went a bit like this:

Sacker Dude: "What did she say about pranks? Something about a urnial?"

Chad Bro: "Man, I don't know. I don't like asking people to repeat themselves so I just smile and laugh. That always works."

Sacker Dude: "Hahaha. Awesome!"

But, this is all okay because the whole time CHAD was looking at me with this knowing look like I definitely could "dig" what he was saying because I also have facial hair and wear flannel. I could not dig. I don't care CHAD. And... that's exactly why I dig. YOU DIG?

Regardless, if you want to make friends with the staff in a Whole Foods don't act like you want to make friends with them or you even care to make friends with them. That's not HIP. Oh yeah, and grow a beard.