Halloween: What are you good for?

I was a lumberjack for Halloween. It seemed fitting. I had the red flannel shirt, a bit of a beard (or what I like to call a beard), high lace up "duck" boots (thanks Pop), and the necessary lumberjack pants. But, what's the point? Halloween you are stupid.

Halloween you are an excuse for women to dress up like prostitutes because they are going as a "sexy" clown or a "sexy" cat or a "sexy" librarian or a "sexy" anything. That's stupid. If I dressed up like a sexy lumberjack I would have been pushed to the exterior of any social gathering because I am a "weirdo." I mean, that's fair and all. Dudes just aren't sexy, but seriously, clowns aren't sexy either.

Halloween you are stupid. You are an excuse for free loading children to go door to door demanding sugary payment for... putting a sheet over their head and calling themselves "ghosts." That's not scary. Earning an honest day's wage in a down economy is scary. Go get a job Lil Timmy.

Halloween you are stupid. You cause people to purchase or rent (I have never thought about this concept prior to some conversations I had this Halloween) costumes that they will never wear again. I don't buy pants and wear them once. I don't buy shoes and wear them once. Why buy a Darth Vader costume to wear once? And try to wear that costume for a second time. But noooooo... that's weird to try to get your money's worth out of a costume. Try showing up to work as a "sexy" librarian on the Monday after Halloween. You will be fired.

Halloween you are stupid. You glorify scary things like axe murderers and killers. You want scary. Drive through the 3rd ward at night like I did on Halloween. You know what's scarier than a crazy murderer, a crazy crackhead looking to score and willing to murder to do it.

Halloween you are stupid. You give people the excuse to "dress up" when they do that everyday anyway. Let's be real for a second (not that I haven't been already). Everyday we wake up and we make conscious choices about the things we surround ourselves with. I put on pants and a shirt before going out into the world (most days). Whether we like to admit it or not, the clothes we wear are used to "express" ourselves. I wear a polo shirt because I like to look dressy, but feel comfortable. And who knows, I might have to get on my horse and play a game that I have never even WATCHED.

I guess the point is Halloween is stupid, but so are people. Halloween is just everyday raised to the 3rd power. Or, if you are in the 3rd ward, it's everyday on crack.

Click HERE for the Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song." Good ole British humor